I have discovered that so far, trying to make good food choices is a daily fight for me. I did so good all day long: I ran 4 miles at lunch, ate very well all day, and then D.R. brought home some Doritos at 10:00 tonight when he came home, and just one chip turned into 3 or 4 handfuls. It is so frustrating to know how hard I worked all day, especially because I really ran hard, and then just blew it and went over my points by 11 again today. I am now over by 20 for the week. Grr....why do I sabotage myself? Did I really need those chips?
Tomorrow is another long Thursday - work at the shop, probably work out at lunch, try to come home a little early to play with Cooper for awhile, then 2 softball games. Then on Friday and Saturday I work at the hospital. I'm going to try to get some sleep....
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Emotional Eating
I have been doing really well with my diet and exercise plan - I have actually lost about 9 lbs in the last week and a half, most of which I'm sure is water weight, but I do feel a lot better. Anyway, I was very proud of myself last night because D.R. and I went out to eat at Stub's in Thedford, and although I ordered a chicken fried steak, I only ate about a third of it and a small portion of mashed potatoes and gravy and a salad. We also ate out for lunch yesterday, and I had a salad instead of fries and asked for wheat bread instead of white. So I was doing pretty well for the first couple of times I had eaten out since I started paying attention to what I am eating.
Then, last night I decided I felt like going out for a little while because I haven't seen any of my female friends for a long time. D.R. said he just had to run one little errand that would take about 15 minutes, and then he would come home and watch Cooper for me so I could go. That was about 8:45. I bathed Cooper, fed him, played with him, and put him to bed, and at 10:00, I really started getting mad. First of all, I couldn't find anyone that wanted to go have a beer with me, and I called 6 different people. But that wouldn't have mattered anyway, because D.R. was gone for an hour and a half!!! So I was really disappointed and a little pissed off, and so I did what I always do - I used food to make me feel better. I started with just a handful of mixed nuts, and ended up polishing off the whole can. Then I found a bag of Mike and Ike's, and ate 3/4 of it before D.R. got home. That effectively wiped out all my extra Weight Watcher's points until next week, so now I feel like I have to eat perfectly for the rest of the week. The really sad thing is that the only reason I stopped my little binge is because that was the only unhealthy stuff we had to eat in the house. I was really craving pizza or nachos or something.
I guess the good side of all of this is that usually the next day I would abandon my healthy eating habits because I'd already fallen off the wagon, and go right back to where I've been for the last four years. But today I'm going to work out at lunch, and just try to do the best I can. I know that emotional eating is a huge reason why I've gained so much weight and I need to find something else to make me feel better when I'm upset. Any suggestions?
Then, last night I decided I felt like going out for a little while because I haven't seen any of my female friends for a long time. D.R. said he just had to run one little errand that would take about 15 minutes, and then he would come home and watch Cooper for me so I could go. That was about 8:45. I bathed Cooper, fed him, played with him, and put him to bed, and at 10:00, I really started getting mad. First of all, I couldn't find anyone that wanted to go have a beer with me, and I called 6 different people. But that wouldn't have mattered anyway, because D.R. was gone for an hour and a half!!! So I was really disappointed and a little pissed off, and so I did what I always do - I used food to make me feel better. I started with just a handful of mixed nuts, and ended up polishing off the whole can. Then I found a bag of Mike and Ike's, and ate 3/4 of it before D.R. got home. That effectively wiped out all my extra Weight Watcher's points until next week, so now I feel like I have to eat perfectly for the rest of the week. The really sad thing is that the only reason I stopped my little binge is because that was the only unhealthy stuff we had to eat in the house. I was really craving pizza or nachos or something.
I guess the good side of all of this is that usually the next day I would abandon my healthy eating habits because I'd already fallen off the wagon, and go right back to where I've been for the last four years. But today I'm going to work out at lunch, and just try to do the best I can. I know that emotional eating is a huge reason why I've gained so much weight and I need to find something else to make me feel better when I'm upset. Any suggestions?
Friday, July 25, 2008
Procrastination is the Devil!
Wow, this has been a busy week!! Sorry I haven't posted for so long. Last weekend D.R., Cooper, and I went to Rapid City to get away and relax for D.R.'s birthday. We didn't do a whole lot except lay around the hotel room and go swimming, but it was fun. Cooper has been sick for a few days so I finally took him to the doctor today, and the poor baby has an ear infection that is so bad the doctor said his eardrum is almost perforated, and will probably perforate in the next day or two. I stayed home with him today and he was not his normal, happy self. I feel bad for not catching it sooner; I know he feels terrible.
The last couple of days I have realized that procrastination is something that really gets in the way of my goals. There will be something that I really need to do, but for whatever reason I am dreading it, so I just put it off and put it off and put it off. I started this bad habit with homework in high school and college - leading me to pull more all-nighters than I care to admit trying to get something done the night before it was due.
What starting me thinking about this is that I got accepted to nursing school before I found out I was pregnant. Then I deferred admission until this fall and was accepted for this fall. I decided several months ago that I wasn't going to go, but for some reason, I was just DREADING writing the letter to decline the position. I don't know why, I guess it just required me to be out of my comfort zone to think about what I needed to say. Anyway, since classes start in less than a month, I decided I better finally let them know I wasn't coming so they could fill my spot. Guess what? Once I finally sat down and wrote the letter, it was a breeze and took me less than 5 minutes to write. Why couldn't I have just done that 2 or 3 months ago and been done with it instead of letting it sit there in the back of my mind as this THING that I had to do and was dreading.
I think that I definitely need to go outside my comfort zone and just get started on some things that I have been putting off for a long time. One of these things is finishing my thank-you notes from all the gifts we got when Cooper was born. I am horrified to admit that I haven't sent any of them. I wrote about half of them the first month after he was born, stamped and addressed them, and they are still sitting on my dresser, waiting for the rest to be done so I can mail them. The postage rate has even gone up since I put the stamps on!!! I had wonderful intentions of finishing the rest of them, and the last 3 or 4 months I've started to wonder if never is better than being 9 or 10 months late. What do you think?
Procrastination is definitely something that has also held me back in my professional life. I won't pursue something as hard as I should because I want to wait until I have more time to devote to it. I now know that I just need to get started and work on it as much as possible when I can. This has been an issue for me with starting my online business. I know what I want to do, but I have to go outside my comfort zone to get some of the licensing and accreditation that I need once I have the business up and running. They taught us at the conference to just get started and worry about all that later. So I am just going to start building content on my website and worry about all that later.
I also learned that no matter what your idea is, there is a market for it. I know that what I want to do will work, I just have to put it in action. I have let other people's sometimes negative input sway my decision about what I want to do for my business, and now I have decided that no matter what I choose to do, I can make it successful if I work hard enough at it.
So, goals for this week: work on at least 3 things I have been procrastinating about
1. Thank you notes
2. Start my website
3. Tax paperwork at the shop
As for working on my goals, I've done pretty well so far, but my body is having trouble adjusting to its new sleep schedule, diet, and exercise regimen, so I haven't been to the shop as early as I'd like. I'm going to work on that this week as well, and other than that things are going well.
I also bought a couple of new books last weekend, one was Does this Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat, which I haven't read yet. The other was Skinny Bitch, which was not what I was expecting, but if anyone would like to be scared and grossed out into becoming a vegetarian, let me know and you can borrow it.
The last couple of days I have realized that procrastination is something that really gets in the way of my goals. There will be something that I really need to do, but for whatever reason I am dreading it, so I just put it off and put it off and put it off. I started this bad habit with homework in high school and college - leading me to pull more all-nighters than I care to admit trying to get something done the night before it was due.
What starting me thinking about this is that I got accepted to nursing school before I found out I was pregnant. Then I deferred admission until this fall and was accepted for this fall. I decided several months ago that I wasn't going to go, but for some reason, I was just DREADING writing the letter to decline the position. I don't know why, I guess it just required me to be out of my comfort zone to think about what I needed to say. Anyway, since classes start in less than a month, I decided I better finally let them know I wasn't coming so they could fill my spot. Guess what? Once I finally sat down and wrote the letter, it was a breeze and took me less than 5 minutes to write. Why couldn't I have just done that 2 or 3 months ago and been done with it instead of letting it sit there in the back of my mind as this THING that I had to do and was dreading.
I think that I definitely need to go outside my comfort zone and just get started on some things that I have been putting off for a long time. One of these things is finishing my thank-you notes from all the gifts we got when Cooper was born. I am horrified to admit that I haven't sent any of them. I wrote about half of them the first month after he was born, stamped and addressed them, and they are still sitting on my dresser, waiting for the rest to be done so I can mail them. The postage rate has even gone up since I put the stamps on!!! I had wonderful intentions of finishing the rest of them, and the last 3 or 4 months I've started to wonder if never is better than being 9 or 10 months late. What do you think?
Procrastination is definitely something that has also held me back in my professional life. I won't pursue something as hard as I should because I want to wait until I have more time to devote to it. I now know that I just need to get started and work on it as much as possible when I can. This has been an issue for me with starting my online business. I know what I want to do, but I have to go outside my comfort zone to get some of the licensing and accreditation that I need once I have the business up and running. They taught us at the conference to just get started and worry about all that later. So I am just going to start building content on my website and worry about all that later.
I also learned that no matter what your idea is, there is a market for it. I know that what I want to do will work, I just have to put it in action. I have let other people's sometimes negative input sway my decision about what I want to do for my business, and now I have decided that no matter what I choose to do, I can make it successful if I work hard enough at it.
So, goals for this week: work on at least 3 things I have been procrastinating about
1. Thank you notes
2. Start my website
3. Tax paperwork at the shop
As for working on my goals, I've done pretty well so far, but my body is having trouble adjusting to its new sleep schedule, diet, and exercise regimen, so I haven't been to the shop as early as I'd like. I'm going to work on that this week as well, and other than that things are going well.
I also bought a couple of new books last weekend, one was Does this Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat, which I haven't read yet. The other was Skinny Bitch, which was not what I was expecting, but if anyone would like to be scared and grossed out into becoming a vegetarian, let me know and you can borrow it.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Focus on weight loss
Today was a much better day than yesterday as far as my professional goals were concerned. I made it to the shop about 9:30, which is not the time I was shooting for, but once I got there I was very productive. I got most of the way through my stack of mail and papers that has accumulated in the almost 2 weeks since I've been out there, and I got somewhat organized. Now I just need to get the office cleaned and continue to work on some more paperwork issues, which will hopefully not take more than a couple of weeks, and I will be able to start focusing on marketing and building the business itself. I also maintained the cleaning I did at home yesterday and washed Cooper's bottles (which takes 45 minutes!), so I was pretty happy with that.
My diet and exercise goals, however have completely fallen by the wayside. I swear I could sell ice to an eskimo, because despite my adamant promises to myself that I would get up early and exercise, I continued to hit snooze until it finally quit going off altogether. Then I was going to go at lunch, but I forgot the gym doesn't have a class at lunchtime on Wednesdays. So instead I hit the Pizza Hut buffet with D.R. and completely stuffed my face until I was miserable. Great job, Amanda!! Might as well continue the day that way, so I had a root beer float and a bunch of mini snickers mid-afternoon. Part of my problem for the last few years is that my 5'11" female body has been eating the same foods and portions as D.R.'s 6'5" male body - obviously I am going to gain weight!!
I recognize my mind set today, and it is exactly the type of behavior I am trying so hard to change. If I do one bad thing, I feel like I've already blown it and I might as well keep blowing it for the rest of the day. That is so counterintuitive, because I should have just recognized that I missed out on my opportunity to exercise today and forgiven myself for it and continued my day doing the best I could. Instead, not only did I not burn those extra calories exercising, I consumed thousands more calories than I would have if I had eaten normally.
I am also struggling with trying to limit my portion sizes. I have so far just been trying to have small amounts of whatever I want. However, I am the type of person who needs some guidelines or I will keep pushing the limit until I have completely stopped paying attention. So I decided today that I am going to go on the South Beach Diet and try to follow it exactly as it says. The biggest difference between this time and the last time I tried it is that even though I'm following some dieting guidelines, I need to get right back on track if I eat something that is not on the plan. Usually I would just consider my diet blown and fall back into my old habits. To motivate myself and hopefully see a difference, I am considering posting "before" pictures on the blog (IN MY SWIMSUIT - GASP!!!) and posting new ones every six weeks so that I can see a change and keep myself motivated. This is going to be hard for me because even though I believe you are all my friends and family, I don't like to have anyone see me in my swimsuit - I always wear clothes on top. But I think it is what I need to shock myself into getting motivated. So I apologize ahead of time for subjecting everyone to that!!
Today Sandy sent me a link for an article about a book that discusses the connection between being messy and disorganized and gaining weight. It is called (I love this!) Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? There is an excerpt from there that really hit home, because I am guilty of every single one of these:
Reality check:
The thin clothes that you hope will fit again one day are making you fat.
The baggy clothes you hide behind are making you fat.
The pantry chock full of disorganized food is making you fat.
Even the dining room table covered with mail is making you fat.
It sounds like a very intriguing book, I might just have to buy it!! Also, Sandy mentioned the idea of having a weight loss contest. I have participated in 4 of these at the hospital. The first one cost every participant $50, and only the top 4 places (out of 18) got any money for the highest percentage weight lost at the end. The second one also cost $50, and we went around to local businesses and got them to donate prizes for the weekly highest percentage weight lost, and then the top 5 spots got the entry money at the end. Those were fairly motivating and I actually lost a total of 30 lbs between the two contests, but then I found out I was pregnant two weeks before the end of the second contest and proceeded to gain almost 75 lbs over the next 8 months. Also, since there was so much money and prizes at stake ($1000 to split between the top 5, manicure, pedicure, massage, tanning minutes, etc.), some people were doing drastic and unhealthy things to lose the weight, and 3 to 6 months later almost everyone had put back on the weight they lost during the contest.
The last two contests have been on-your-honor weigh-ins that are free to enter, and you just put in a dollar for every lb you gain during the contest. That was a little too unstructured and didn't work at all for me. Anyway, I would probably consider doing some kind of contest again if the opportunity arose.
Well, I have a very busy day tomorrow : workout, then work at the hospital, then softball, then back to the hospital to get ready for Friday's clinic. I also work at the hospital on Friday, and then we are going to Rapid City this weekend, so I may not post for a few days. I'd better get to bed. Thanks for the positive comments!!
My diet and exercise goals, however have completely fallen by the wayside. I swear I could sell ice to an eskimo, because despite my adamant promises to myself that I would get up early and exercise, I continued to hit snooze until it finally quit going off altogether. Then I was going to go at lunch, but I forgot the gym doesn't have a class at lunchtime on Wednesdays. So instead I hit the Pizza Hut buffet with D.R. and completely stuffed my face until I was miserable. Great job, Amanda!! Might as well continue the day that way, so I had a root beer float and a bunch of mini snickers mid-afternoon. Part of my problem for the last few years is that my 5'11" female body has been eating the same foods and portions as D.R.'s 6'5" male body - obviously I am going to gain weight!!
I recognize my mind set today, and it is exactly the type of behavior I am trying so hard to change. If I do one bad thing, I feel like I've already blown it and I might as well keep blowing it for the rest of the day. That is so counterintuitive, because I should have just recognized that I missed out on my opportunity to exercise today and forgiven myself for it and continued my day doing the best I could. Instead, not only did I not burn those extra calories exercising, I consumed thousands more calories than I would have if I had eaten normally.
I am also struggling with trying to limit my portion sizes. I have so far just been trying to have small amounts of whatever I want. However, I am the type of person who needs some guidelines or I will keep pushing the limit until I have completely stopped paying attention. So I decided today that I am going to go on the South Beach Diet and try to follow it exactly as it says. The biggest difference between this time and the last time I tried it is that even though I'm following some dieting guidelines, I need to get right back on track if I eat something that is not on the plan. Usually I would just consider my diet blown and fall back into my old habits. To motivate myself and hopefully see a difference, I am considering posting "before" pictures on the blog (IN MY SWIMSUIT - GASP!!!) and posting new ones every six weeks so that I can see a change and keep myself motivated. This is going to be hard for me because even though I believe you are all my friends and family, I don't like to have anyone see me in my swimsuit - I always wear clothes on top. But I think it is what I need to shock myself into getting motivated. So I apologize ahead of time for subjecting everyone to that!!
Today Sandy sent me a link for an article about a book that discusses the connection between being messy and disorganized and gaining weight. It is called (I love this!) Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? There is an excerpt from there that really hit home, because I am guilty of every single one of these:
Reality check:
The thin clothes that you hope will fit again one day are making you fat.
The baggy clothes you hide behind are making you fat.
The pantry chock full of disorganized food is making you fat.
Even the dining room table covered with mail is making you fat.
It sounds like a very intriguing book, I might just have to buy it!! Also, Sandy mentioned the idea of having a weight loss contest. I have participated in 4 of these at the hospital. The first one cost every participant $50, and only the top 4 places (out of 18) got any money for the highest percentage weight lost at the end. The second one also cost $50, and we went around to local businesses and got them to donate prizes for the weekly highest percentage weight lost, and then the top 5 spots got the entry money at the end. Those were fairly motivating and I actually lost a total of 30 lbs between the two contests, but then I found out I was pregnant two weeks before the end of the second contest and proceeded to gain almost 75 lbs over the next 8 months. Also, since there was so much money and prizes at stake ($1000 to split between the top 5, manicure, pedicure, massage, tanning minutes, etc.), some people were doing drastic and unhealthy things to lose the weight, and 3 to 6 months later almost everyone had put back on the weight they lost during the contest.
The last two contests have been on-your-honor weigh-ins that are free to enter, and you just put in a dollar for every lb you gain during the contest. That was a little too unstructured and didn't work at all for me. Anyway, I would probably consider doing some kind of contest again if the opportunity arose.
Well, I have a very busy day tomorrow : workout, then work at the hospital, then softball, then back to the hospital to get ready for Friday's clinic. I also work at the hospital on Friday, and then we are going to Rapid City this weekend, so I may not post for a few days. I'd better get to bed. Thanks for the positive comments!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Struggles
Today has not been the best day so far. I have definitely been struggling with my focus. Days like today are exactly why I created this blog. It seems like I will get very excited about something and be very productive for several days, and then the excitement starts to wear off and I revert back to my old lazy habits that have landed me in the situation I find myself in now. Today I don't feel like doing anything but kicking back with a big bowl of ice cream and watching t.v. all day. I have given into that urge for way too long, and I need to learn how to keep myself motivated. Let me start at the beginning....
Yesterday I decided to stay home with Cooper since I was gone for a week and really missed him. Even though I didn't "work," I had one of the most productive days I have had in a long time. I got a lot of house cleaning done, and I did a lot of thinking about all of my "list of 6" long-term goals, and decided on a plan of action for them. One of the hardest parts of trying to achieve these goals is that I feel that all of these goals are equally important, and I feel like I am going to spread myself very thin trying to put as much time into each of them that will be necessary to achieve them. So, yesterday I came up with a plan to try to maximize my productivity each day and put some time into each of my six goals.
1. Create my own successful internet business
-As we learned at the conference, for people just starting out the most important thing is to just get started: build some content on your website and practice using Xsitepro, the software we are using. You may not even know exactly what your product is, just get started and that is the most important step; the rest will come later. So I have decided that the weekdays that I work at the hospital or at Kramer's Collision, I will spend no less than an hour each night after Cooper goes to sleep building content on my website.
2. Lose 65 lbs and embrace healthier eating habits and get more exercise.
-Because of D.R.'s very erratic schedule which often keeps him at the shop until all hours of the night, and my past experience with lack of motivation to skip my lunch hour and go to the gym instead, I have decided to get up at 5:45 on weekdays and go to the gym then. Let me assure you, I am NOT a morning person and this will be no easy change for me. But since D.R. is not always around in the evenings to watch Cooper so I can workout and since I already feel guilty for taking him to daycare all day (Elsie's great, but I hate missing out on all those hours with my son), I believe this will work out the best for me in the long run if I can just get used to getting up that early. I also have found that I get a lot more done in the morning when I get to the shop by 8:00; since it doesn't open until 9 I have peace and quiet for a couple of hours.
Since I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), it is even more important for me to start improving my diet. I read an article last night that said that 40-50% of women who have PCOS develop type 2 diabetes by the time they are 40 years old, and since my sugars were somewhat high while I was pregnant, I know that I am at risk. There is also research that has shown that women with PCOS who eat a lower-glycemic diet have better control over their symptoms. I have tried the South Beach Diet in the past and had some success with it, but as with any diet I have a hard time sticking with it. This time I am going to use the South Beach Diet as a guideline for my eating, but I am not going to have a "dieting" mentality, I'm going to try to think of it as a lifestyle change. Instead of thinking I went "off" the diet when I eat something bad, I am just going to do better next time. This has been my main issue with my eating habits, I'm always either "on" or "off" a diet.
3. Help D.R. build his business, get into a new building.
-I knew going into this that this would probably be the hardest one for me, especially since I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to get that office organized for the last five years. Without going into too much detail since this is D.R.'s business not mine, I am extremely frustrated. It is very hard to work with your significant other because you don't like to have them bossing you around. It's also hard to determine how much work you put in versus how much they help with bills, etc, when you're not getting paid by the hour. I really want his business to be successful because it will enhance both of our lives as well as the life of our son, but sometimes I just feel like a hamster in a wheel when I go out there.
The first problem is that the office is too small, and it is connected to the shop so it gets very dirty and dusty. I always feel like I should be doing important paperwork instead of cleaning when I'm out there, so it looks very dirty and unprofessional. My first goal is to get the office clean and organized so that I don't feel so frustrated and panicky when I'm working, and so we can FIND things in there!! Secondly, we have very high overhead in that shop; the utilities are over $600 a month in the winter, and in 6 years of renting that building, we have paid the owner of that building twice what he bought it for!! We should be putting that money into equity into our own building!! Plus that shop is soooo small that D.R. and Jim spend several hours a week moving vehicles in and out and rearranging so they have room to work and still park the customers' vehicles inside at night. I could go on and on, and I'm kind of getting off on a tangent, so I'll get to my plan for the shop. My first priority is to get that office clean and organized so I will be more productive in the hours I am working there. My second goal is to get all the paperwork caught up and the files more organized. Thirdly, I want to start focusing on marketing - D.R. usually has enough work without advertising, but sometimes he runs into slow times and really struggles to maintain his overhead. If we could make the shop more efficient and have the staff to handle it, I think we could increase the traffic through the shop by 30-40%, but we have to make sure we will get vehicles in and out in a timely manner.
Most importantly, I want to work on finding another building, one that we can buy that is still in a good location and without borrowing thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars. Then we can expand into other markets - custom truck accessories, building rebuilders and selling them on a car lot, having a larger tow yard, tinting windows, detailing, anything that will add to the stream of income during slower times of the year. I could go on all day, so I better move on to the next topic, after I note that I plan to work at the shop on weekdays that I don't work at the hospital, and try to focus on being more productive while I'm there. I will also make a list of goals each night before I work there so that I have a plan and know exactly what I need to work on. I really do feel like I sometimes spend 8 hours there and get NOTHING done.
4. Make enough money at the shop and my business to quit the hospital.
-I have been sooo unhappy working the long hours, nights, weekends and holidays at that place and not having anywhere to move up in the company. I don't have a specific plan for this other than work really hard at my other endeavors, but today I have almost been reconsidering this goal. This might be a good time to discuss why I have been struggling today.
Last night I made my list of goals to work on at the shop so I could be more productive and not run around like a chicken with my head chopped off. I got up at 5:40 and went to my weightlifting class at the gym and even ran for a few minutes afterwards. I came home and showered, and Cooper was still sleeping, and I was sore and tired, so I decided to lay back down for a few minutes. I didn't wake up until 9:15 when the UPS guy woke Starsky and Cooper up. So I didn't get to the shop until almost 10:00, which seems to be the busiest time of day out there. I couldn't get to the desk for a few minutes, and by the time I did, D.R. had several things he wanted me to do, and we had an appointment with an insurance agent at 11, so I didn't get anything done at all before noon. This put me in a bad mood.
Also, I got a quote on health insurance that was the cheapest I've found so far, but I still can't possibly pay the premium by myself every month, which caused another argument. I am getting very nervous about not having any health insurance, especially since I've had a few health issues in the past couple of years and I also still have my appendix and gall bladder. Even though I have been miserable working at the hospital, they do have very good benefits, one of which is free health insurance for employees who work at least 24 hours per week. Since Cooper was born, I promised myself I would not be a nurse's aide anymore, and they only have a prn wardclerk position available. I often do work 24 hours a week, but I am not guaranteed those hours, so I am not eligible for health insurance. So I started thinking that I really ought to go back to the hospital as an aide so that I can have the benefits back, even though that's about the last thing on earth I want to do.
So I was in a bad mood already and then D.R. and I got in an argument, so I came home to cool off for awhile. I didn't intend to take another nap, but I ended up doing just that - which is something I need to improve on (I love to sleep wayyy tooo much).
Then he came home and yelled at me about not having any drive or ambition and not wanting to be at the shop, and though he partially has a point, this was not a good time. So I went and picked Cooper up and came home, and have been feeling very low and like a failure for the rest of the afternoon. Writing on this blog has actually helped me focus on my goals again, and I feel a little better other than the health insurance conundrum. I seem to have bad days once in awhile, and having some time to myself to get back into a positive frame of mind sometimes works the best. I'm sorry for arguing with you, D.R., but I hope you can be understanding when I sometimes have bad days. Now for my last two long-term goals...
5. Pay off $10,000 of my debt.
Once again, this mostly depends on my ability to make our businesses successful, but I do have somewhat of a plan formulated, including paying extra on the account with the lowest balance first so I can have one whole account paid off, then moving to the next account.
6. Get my house cleaned and organized and finish some household projects
-Any of you who have seen my house know that I am not the best housekeeper, but we all need a place to go to relax and unwind, and it's only stressful to sit in a disaster. My goal here is to at the very least maintain the amount of cleaning I have done the day before, and if possible do 30-45 minutes of additional cleaning or organizing each day until I get it all done. I know from experience that I will just burn out if I try to clean and organize the entire house in one day, so I am just going to discipline myself to spend at least a few minutes a day cleaning and picking up so it's not any messier than the day before, and if I have any energy left, I will do some extra.
Well, this has ended up turning into more of a book than a blog, but writing my goals and my plan to reach them has helped me start to come out of my bad mood, so I guess it was worth it. I am very impressed if any of you managed to read this whole thing, it really felt more like I was writing in a journal. I probably better cut down on the length of these blogs and spend the time working toward some of my goals ;)
Yesterday I decided to stay home with Cooper since I was gone for a week and really missed him. Even though I didn't "work," I had one of the most productive days I have had in a long time. I got a lot of house cleaning done, and I did a lot of thinking about all of my "list of 6" long-term goals, and decided on a plan of action for them. One of the hardest parts of trying to achieve these goals is that I feel that all of these goals are equally important, and I feel like I am going to spread myself very thin trying to put as much time into each of them that will be necessary to achieve them. So, yesterday I came up with a plan to try to maximize my productivity each day and put some time into each of my six goals.
1. Create my own successful internet business
-As we learned at the conference, for people just starting out the most important thing is to just get started: build some content on your website and practice using Xsitepro, the software we are using. You may not even know exactly what your product is, just get started and that is the most important step; the rest will come later. So I have decided that the weekdays that I work at the hospital or at Kramer's Collision, I will spend no less than an hour each night after Cooper goes to sleep building content on my website.
2. Lose 65 lbs and embrace healthier eating habits and get more exercise.
-Because of D.R.'s very erratic schedule which often keeps him at the shop until all hours of the night, and my past experience with lack of motivation to skip my lunch hour and go to the gym instead, I have decided to get up at 5:45 on weekdays and go to the gym then. Let me assure you, I am NOT a morning person and this will be no easy change for me. But since D.R. is not always around in the evenings to watch Cooper so I can workout and since I already feel guilty for taking him to daycare all day (Elsie's great, but I hate missing out on all those hours with my son), I believe this will work out the best for me in the long run if I can just get used to getting up that early. I also have found that I get a lot more done in the morning when I get to the shop by 8:00; since it doesn't open until 9 I have peace and quiet for a couple of hours.
Since I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), it is even more important for me to start improving my diet. I read an article last night that said that 40-50% of women who have PCOS develop type 2 diabetes by the time they are 40 years old, and since my sugars were somewhat high while I was pregnant, I know that I am at risk. There is also research that has shown that women with PCOS who eat a lower-glycemic diet have better control over their symptoms. I have tried the South Beach Diet in the past and had some success with it, but as with any diet I have a hard time sticking with it. This time I am going to use the South Beach Diet as a guideline for my eating, but I am not going to have a "dieting" mentality, I'm going to try to think of it as a lifestyle change. Instead of thinking I went "off" the diet when I eat something bad, I am just going to do better next time. This has been my main issue with my eating habits, I'm always either "on" or "off" a diet.
3. Help D.R. build his business, get into a new building.
-I knew going into this that this would probably be the hardest one for me, especially since I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to get that office organized for the last five years. Without going into too much detail since this is D.R.'s business not mine, I am extremely frustrated. It is very hard to work with your significant other because you don't like to have them bossing you around. It's also hard to determine how much work you put in versus how much they help with bills, etc, when you're not getting paid by the hour. I really want his business to be successful because it will enhance both of our lives as well as the life of our son, but sometimes I just feel like a hamster in a wheel when I go out there.
The first problem is that the office is too small, and it is connected to the shop so it gets very dirty and dusty. I always feel like I should be doing important paperwork instead of cleaning when I'm out there, so it looks very dirty and unprofessional. My first goal is to get the office clean and organized so that I don't feel so frustrated and panicky when I'm working, and so we can FIND things in there!! Secondly, we have very high overhead in that shop; the utilities are over $600 a month in the winter, and in 6 years of renting that building, we have paid the owner of that building twice what he bought it for!! We should be putting that money into equity into our own building!! Plus that shop is soooo small that D.R. and Jim spend several hours a week moving vehicles in and out and rearranging so they have room to work and still park the customers' vehicles inside at night. I could go on and on, and I'm kind of getting off on a tangent, so I'll get to my plan for the shop. My first priority is to get that office clean and organized so I will be more productive in the hours I am working there. My second goal is to get all the paperwork caught up and the files more organized. Thirdly, I want to start focusing on marketing - D.R. usually has enough work without advertising, but sometimes he runs into slow times and really struggles to maintain his overhead. If we could make the shop more efficient and have the staff to handle it, I think we could increase the traffic through the shop by 30-40%, but we have to make sure we will get vehicles in and out in a timely manner.
Most importantly, I want to work on finding another building, one that we can buy that is still in a good location and without borrowing thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars. Then we can expand into other markets - custom truck accessories, building rebuilders and selling them on a car lot, having a larger tow yard, tinting windows, detailing, anything that will add to the stream of income during slower times of the year. I could go on all day, so I better move on to the next topic, after I note that I plan to work at the shop on weekdays that I don't work at the hospital, and try to focus on being more productive while I'm there. I will also make a list of goals each night before I work there so that I have a plan and know exactly what I need to work on. I really do feel like I sometimes spend 8 hours there and get NOTHING done.
4. Make enough money at the shop and my business to quit the hospital.
-I have been sooo unhappy working the long hours, nights, weekends and holidays at that place and not having anywhere to move up in the company. I don't have a specific plan for this other than work really hard at my other endeavors, but today I have almost been reconsidering this goal. This might be a good time to discuss why I have been struggling today.
Last night I made my list of goals to work on at the shop so I could be more productive and not run around like a chicken with my head chopped off. I got up at 5:40 and went to my weightlifting class at the gym and even ran for a few minutes afterwards. I came home and showered, and Cooper was still sleeping, and I was sore and tired, so I decided to lay back down for a few minutes. I didn't wake up until 9:15 when the UPS guy woke Starsky and Cooper up. So I didn't get to the shop until almost 10:00, which seems to be the busiest time of day out there. I couldn't get to the desk for a few minutes, and by the time I did, D.R. had several things he wanted me to do, and we had an appointment with an insurance agent at 11, so I didn't get anything done at all before noon. This put me in a bad mood.
Also, I got a quote on health insurance that was the cheapest I've found so far, but I still can't possibly pay the premium by myself every month, which caused another argument. I am getting very nervous about not having any health insurance, especially since I've had a few health issues in the past couple of years and I also still have my appendix and gall bladder. Even though I have been miserable working at the hospital, they do have very good benefits, one of which is free health insurance for employees who work at least 24 hours per week. Since Cooper was born, I promised myself I would not be a nurse's aide anymore, and they only have a prn wardclerk position available. I often do work 24 hours a week, but I am not guaranteed those hours, so I am not eligible for health insurance. So I started thinking that I really ought to go back to the hospital as an aide so that I can have the benefits back, even though that's about the last thing on earth I want to do.
So I was in a bad mood already and then D.R. and I got in an argument, so I came home to cool off for awhile. I didn't intend to take another nap, but I ended up doing just that - which is something I need to improve on (I love to sleep wayyy tooo much).
Then he came home and yelled at me about not having any drive or ambition and not wanting to be at the shop, and though he partially has a point, this was not a good time. So I went and picked Cooper up and came home, and have been feeling very low and like a failure for the rest of the afternoon. Writing on this blog has actually helped me focus on my goals again, and I feel a little better other than the health insurance conundrum. I seem to have bad days once in awhile, and having some time to myself to get back into a positive frame of mind sometimes works the best. I'm sorry for arguing with you, D.R., but I hope you can be understanding when I sometimes have bad days. Now for my last two long-term goals...
5. Pay off $10,000 of my debt.
Once again, this mostly depends on my ability to make our businesses successful, but I do have somewhat of a plan formulated, including paying extra on the account with the lowest balance first so I can have one whole account paid off, then moving to the next account.
6. Get my house cleaned and organized and finish some household projects
-Any of you who have seen my house know that I am not the best housekeeper, but we all need a place to go to relax and unwind, and it's only stressful to sit in a disaster. My goal here is to at the very least maintain the amount of cleaning I have done the day before, and if possible do 30-45 minutes of additional cleaning or organizing each day until I get it all done. I know from experience that I will just burn out if I try to clean and organize the entire house in one day, so I am just going to discipline myself to spend at least a few minutes a day cleaning and picking up so it's not any messier than the day before, and if I have any energy left, I will do some extra.
Well, this has ended up turning into more of a book than a blog, but writing my goals and my plan to reach them has helped me start to come out of my bad mood, so I guess it was worth it. I am very impressed if any of you managed to read this whole thing, it really felt more like I was writing in a journal. I probably better cut down on the length of these blogs and spend the time working toward some of my goals ;)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Networking and my list of 6
Tonight I have been thinking some more about one of the things they stressed the importance of at the 5 days in July conference : networking. They told us that if we were proactive and talked to people at the conference, we would meet 5 people who would be invaluable to our business. I am normally very shy, but I decided to give this a try and ended up talking in depth with about 30 of the 100 attendees at the conference.
The first day I met a girl from Portland, OR, whose interest is in the fitness industry. We are about the same age, and have had similar struggles with our eating habits and weight issues. Her name is Emily, and she recently tried a fitness routine from a trainer named Craig Ballyntine, who is also a writer for the Early to Rise ezine. Emily has her own blog, Back In My Skinny jeans, where she talks about her struggles with weight and food and journals her efforts to achieve her weightloss goals. She actually entered a 12 week body transformation contest that Craig Ballyntine was hosting through his website, and won first place and $2000. Although Emily left before the conference was over, her weightloss success and her blog actually inspired me to start this blog to keep myself on track and accountable to my goals. Thanks Emily!!
I also met a very nice lady from Georgia named Cindy who has experienced some issues similar to mine with struggling to reach her full potential. She was able to overcome what was holding her back and find happiness and contribute to the subsequent success of her family's business. Cindy gave me some invaluable advice about finding happiness internally rather than externally and helped me realize that I need to make some changes in my own attitude in order to find happiness in my life. Cindy was one of the lucky people who already knew exactly what their internet business's focus was going to be when she arrived at the conference and is taking her family's brick-and-mortar business to a new level online. She and her husband own a lumber and deck design company and want to expand to include landscape design. You can check out her website here.
I met people from Australia, England, California, Montana, Georgia, Oregon, New Jersey, Texas, and everywhere in between. At least 3 people I met taught me something very valuable or will be an important contact for my business (like the lady I met from Minnesota who is a La Leche League Leader). Some people had some very original ideas for their online businesses (like the 16-year old boy from California whose business will be to sell manuals to people who are addicted to the video game Wizards of War teaching them how to quit, or the mother from Colorado Springs who will be selling urns to contain the ashes of your pet as well as support materials to overcome your grief). I definitely learned the power of networking and that it pays to be a little more outgoing and a little less shy.
Now for my List of 6 long term goals that I aim to accomplish within the next year.
1. Build a successful online business
2. Lose 65 lbs, embracing healthier eating habits and more regular exercise
3. Help D.R. build his business, specifically get into his own building within 1 year
4. Make enough money through #1 and #3 to quit my job at the hospital
5. Pay off $10,000 of my debt
6. Finish several large projects at the house and keep it cleaner and more organized/ more like
a home
I had trouble choosing the 6 most important goals out of my huge list of things I want to accomplish. I had the most trouble not including nebulous goals such as to be a better mother, be more supportive of my friends and family, be more outgoing, be a happier person, and have a better attitude. I realized however, that achieving these 6 goals are part of the puzzle to finding my happiness, and being a happier person will help me in all my personal relationships.
The first day I met a girl from Portland, OR, whose interest is in the fitness industry. We are about the same age, and have had similar struggles with our eating habits and weight issues. Her name is Emily, and she recently tried a fitness routine from a trainer named Craig Ballyntine, who is also a writer for the Early to Rise ezine. Emily has her own blog, Back In My Skinny jeans, where she talks about her struggles with weight and food and journals her efforts to achieve her weightloss goals. She actually entered a 12 week body transformation contest that Craig Ballyntine was hosting through his website, and won first place and $2000. Although Emily left before the conference was over, her weightloss success and her blog actually inspired me to start this blog to keep myself on track and accountable to my goals. Thanks Emily!!
I also met a very nice lady from Georgia named Cindy who has experienced some issues similar to mine with struggling to reach her full potential. She was able to overcome what was holding her back and find happiness and contribute to the subsequent success of her family's business. Cindy gave me some invaluable advice about finding happiness internally rather than externally and helped me realize that I need to make some changes in my own attitude in order to find happiness in my life. Cindy was one of the lucky people who already knew exactly what their internet business's focus was going to be when she arrived at the conference and is taking her family's brick-and-mortar business to a new level online. She and her husband own a lumber and deck design company and want to expand to include landscape design. You can check out her website here.
I met people from Australia, England, California, Montana, Georgia, Oregon, New Jersey, Texas, and everywhere in between. At least 3 people I met taught me something very valuable or will be an important contact for my business (like the lady I met from Minnesota who is a La Leche League Leader). Some people had some very original ideas for their online businesses (like the 16-year old boy from California whose business will be to sell manuals to people who are addicted to the video game Wizards of War teaching them how to quit, or the mother from Colorado Springs who will be selling urns to contain the ashes of your pet as well as support materials to overcome your grief). I definitely learned the power of networking and that it pays to be a little more outgoing and a little less shy.
Now for my List of 6 long term goals that I aim to accomplish within the next year.
1. Build a successful online business
2. Lose 65 lbs, embracing healthier eating habits and more regular exercise
3. Help D.R. build his business, specifically get into his own building within 1 year
4. Make enough money through #1 and #3 to quit my job at the hospital
5. Pay off $10,000 of my debt
6. Finish several large projects at the house and keep it cleaner and more organized/ more like
a home
I had trouble choosing the 6 most important goals out of my huge list of things I want to accomplish. I had the most trouble not including nebulous goals such as to be a better mother, be more supportive of my friends and family, be more outgoing, be a happier person, and have a better attitude. I realized however, that achieving these 6 goals are part of the puzzle to finding my happiness, and being a happier person will help me in all my personal relationships.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Back to Me
For those of you who don't know, I recently took a 5 day seminar in Denver that was basically a boot camp teaching everything you need to know to start and run your own successful internet business. This conference was put on by a company who produces a daily newsletter I subscribe to called Early to Rise. ETR is a company run by experts in several business fields and they give you advice every day on everything from running a web-based business to investments to working out. It is very inspirational and encouraging to read something every morning that will get you thinking about your goals. You can check out their website here.
Anyway, those of you who are close to me know that in the years since graduating from college I have been struggling with several aspects of my life and have been unable to obtain my goals, especially since I really wasn't sure what those goals were!! I have used the excuse of living in a small town with limited job opportunities to mask the fact that I am terrified of failing at whatever I try to do in my professional life. It seems I would rather complain about having a bachelor's degree and not being able to use it than be proactive in finding what I am truly passionate about. I have tossed around the idea of going to nursing school ever since I was in college, but after being rejected once and being accepted and not going 3 times, I have finally allowed myself to see that there was a reason I have not gone yet - that is not my true passion; I was just doing what seemed to be the easiest path since that is one of the few (somewhat) decent- paying traditional jobs available in Valentine.
So, I have been sitting around feeling sorry for myself for the last 5 years, and in the meantime I have gained almost 70 pounds (mostly from emotional eating), and I have become a very difficult person to be around and an even more difficult person to live with (Sorry D.R.!). This fat, crabby person is not who I am, and I am ashamed that I have allowed myself to become this way. I have spent far too long believing that happiness would eventually just drop itself on my doorstep because I "deserve" it, happiness is a choice and you can be happy with whatever you have, no matter what it is. I have a wonderful boyfriend and an absolutely perfect son who are the light of my life; I have a very supportive family and great friends whom I have been neglecting because I have been "too busy" and "they don't call me either."
Enough of all the excuses, I am making the decision to take charge of my life and focus my goals so that I can take steps EVERY SINGLE DAY to reach them. I have been taking the path of least resistance for the past few years and hoping success would come to me instead of taking the steps to get me there. From now on I am going to be proactive in reaching my goals and achieving satisfaction in both my personal and professional life. I have been so unhappy that I am not even myself anymore, and I am beginning on my quest to get BACK TO ME.
I have always wanted to own my own business, but due to the small population, most businesses are not highly successful in Valentine. A web-based business, however, can obviously reach exponentially more people than a traditional brick-and-mortar business can. This is my main professional goal, to create a successful web-based business. It has been proven (although I don't have the references to give you right now) that people who share their goals with others are much more likely to achieve these goals than people who keep their goals to themselves. This is because when you share your goals with others, they become more real and tangible to you and you also work harder to achieve the goals if others will know when you fail. This blog has been created to force myself to be accountable to my goals.
The last presentation at our conference was titled "The Missing Ingredient" and taught us that the thing that most people who fail at their businesses or goals lack is FOCUS. You can have the best ideas and intentions in the world, but if you are being pulled in too many directions at once and don't make wise use of your time and just get started, you will fail. The presentation went on to give 9 tactics for staying focused, which I would be willing to share if anyone is interested. The most useful thing I took away from the presentation, however is the "list of 6." This is the idea of making a list of the six most important things you want to accomplish - both for long term goals, medium term goals, and daily goals. It could also be the 6 things you need to accomplish to reach your goals that you have been putting off because you are dreading doing them. Anyway, once you have the list in writing, you start with #1 - the most important thing - and tackle it first to get it out of the way. Then you continue through your list until they are all done, and don't allow distractions to keep you from accomplishing your list for that day. If you aren't able to accomplish all 6 items, transfer what you didn't finish to the top of your list for the next day. There is a tool you can download onto your computer (for those who do most of their work on the computer) so you have a reminder of your daily goals right there in your face. It is very effective. We were given this as part of the package of the conference, but if you're interested in learning about it, you can check out their website. I am working on my six long-term goals, and will be sharing them soon!!
Anyway, those of you who are close to me know that in the years since graduating from college I have been struggling with several aspects of my life and have been unable to obtain my goals, especially since I really wasn't sure what those goals were!! I have used the excuse of living in a small town with limited job opportunities to mask the fact that I am terrified of failing at whatever I try to do in my professional life. It seems I would rather complain about having a bachelor's degree and not being able to use it than be proactive in finding what I am truly passionate about. I have tossed around the idea of going to nursing school ever since I was in college, but after being rejected once and being accepted and not going 3 times, I have finally allowed myself to see that there was a reason I have not gone yet - that is not my true passion; I was just doing what seemed to be the easiest path since that is one of the few (somewhat) decent- paying traditional jobs available in Valentine.
So, I have been sitting around feeling sorry for myself for the last 5 years, and in the meantime I have gained almost 70 pounds (mostly from emotional eating), and I have become a very difficult person to be around and an even more difficult person to live with (Sorry D.R.!). This fat, crabby person is not who I am, and I am ashamed that I have allowed myself to become this way. I have spent far too long believing that happiness would eventually just drop itself on my doorstep because I "deserve" it, happiness is a choice and you can be happy with whatever you have, no matter what it is. I have a wonderful boyfriend and an absolutely perfect son who are the light of my life; I have a very supportive family and great friends whom I have been neglecting because I have been "too busy" and "they don't call me either."
Enough of all the excuses, I am making the decision to take charge of my life and focus my goals so that I can take steps EVERY SINGLE DAY to reach them. I have been taking the path of least resistance for the past few years and hoping success would come to me instead of taking the steps to get me there. From now on I am going to be proactive in reaching my goals and achieving satisfaction in both my personal and professional life. I have been so unhappy that I am not even myself anymore, and I am beginning on my quest to get BACK TO ME.
I have always wanted to own my own business, but due to the small population, most businesses are not highly successful in Valentine. A web-based business, however, can obviously reach exponentially more people than a traditional brick-and-mortar business can. This is my main professional goal, to create a successful web-based business. It has been proven (although I don't have the references to give you right now) that people who share their goals with others are much more likely to achieve these goals than people who keep their goals to themselves. This is because when you share your goals with others, they become more real and tangible to you and you also work harder to achieve the goals if others will know when you fail. This blog has been created to force myself to be accountable to my goals.
The last presentation at our conference was titled "The Missing Ingredient" and taught us that the thing that most people who fail at their businesses or goals lack is FOCUS. You can have the best ideas and intentions in the world, but if you are being pulled in too many directions at once and don't make wise use of your time and just get started, you will fail. The presentation went on to give 9 tactics for staying focused, which I would be willing to share if anyone is interested. The most useful thing I took away from the presentation, however is the "list of 6." This is the idea of making a list of the six most important things you want to accomplish - both for long term goals, medium term goals, and daily goals. It could also be the 6 things you need to accomplish to reach your goals that you have been putting off because you are dreading doing them. Anyway, once you have the list in writing, you start with #1 - the most important thing - and tackle it first to get it out of the way. Then you continue through your list until they are all done, and don't allow distractions to keep you from accomplishing your list for that day. If you aren't able to accomplish all 6 items, transfer what you didn't finish to the top of your list for the next day. There is a tool you can download onto your computer (for those who do most of their work on the computer) so you have a reminder of your daily goals right there in your face. It is very effective. We were given this as part of the package of the conference, but if you're interested in learning about it, you can check out their website. I am working on my six long-term goals, and will be sharing them soon!!
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